I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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