i would punch a child for taco bell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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