I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
