i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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