I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
