I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
