Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
