just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
