lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
