Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I AM VODKA MAN
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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