How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
