I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
