'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
