Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
