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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
