You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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