I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
