1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
