My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
