Don't make out with my wife yet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
