You're my little dorito
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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