I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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