Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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