Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I cockslap morals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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