I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Randomize
