I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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