I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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