I wish I only lived at night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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