You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Say something about gay babies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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