i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
