I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
