She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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