If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
