its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
