Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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