yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
