i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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