Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
