I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
