Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
