I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
