so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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