She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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