I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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