Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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