Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
