brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're my little dorito
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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