You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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