You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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