Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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