Got a toothbrush?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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