Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to calm my uterus...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
