Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
